New Arrival

We welcomed our new addition to the world on Jan. 24th. You can read about it here.

I know it's been a while.....

I know I haven't posted in....well, forever.

Unix-Jedi and I have been busy procreating. Yes folks, I'm pregnant. And I'm afraid we are DOOMED! You see, this will be the first grandchild on both sides of the family. And did I mention that all the grandparents are retired? DOOMED, I tell you!

Hopefully as the fatigue and nausea wear off, I'll be back more frequently....until the kid appears, anyway!

Loss

While trapped in Wal-Mart by a sudden and violent thunderstorm a little over a week ago, I found myself browsing the book section waiting for a break in the storm. A book seemed to call me: Marley and Me. I picked it up and debated for a few seconds then threw it in my basket. The day before was the 2nd anniversary of the death of my dog Sherman.

One day in September of 1998 a received a cryptic phone call from a friend telling me to come over to her house. When I arrived at her house, there he was. A fat, black and tan dachshund puppy. Only 5 months before this same friend had given me tiny red dachshund puppy for my birthday. I thought to myself what in the world am I going to do with another puppy? I took him into my arms, smelled his puppy breath and knew what I was going do--take him home.

Naming a dog Sherman when you live in the heart of Dixie may seem strange. He was named not for the yankee bastard who burned his way through the South, but for the tank. And a tank he was.

His was a sad beginning for a puppy. A product of a puppy mill, he had spent his entire life, until the day my friend bought him at a bargain price from a pet shop, in a small wire cage. He was nearly 4 months old and was no longer "puppyish" enough to sell for full price. He was fat and had very little muscle. The pet shop owner was happy to see him go.

So, Sherman and I went back to my little 2 bedroom rental house. I lifted him from my truck and put him down in the driveway. He followed me to the doorstep and stopped. He had no idea how to get up on the 3 inch high slab of concrete. I called to him and cajoled, but he didn't budge. He simply looked at me as if I'd asked him to climb Everest. When you have spent your whole life in a cage, everything is new and challenging.

I picked him up and brought him into the house to meet my other puppy, Sam. Apparently playing and running were also new to Sherman. He quickly caught on and from that time forward he ran every where he went. I held him in my lap that first night after he wore himself out running and playing, feeling his heart beating so fast and so hard I was afraid it would burst.

I didn't know if Sherman and I would make it through that first year. He was hardheaded and resisted being housebroken. He also had a terrible habit of shredding everything. I came home from work one day to find the entire house covered in foam from a chair and shredded magazines. Sherman was proudly standing in the middle of it all.

After that first year, I bought a house with a huge fenced yard. Sherman had FINALLY figured out that he needed to go outside to go potty. By this time it was apparent he was not a miniature dachshund as advertised. Once he learned to run and jump, the puppy fat melted off and was replaced by 27 pounds hard solid muscle.

Seemingly simple tasks were still challenging for him. I had a doggie door installed so that he and Sam could come and go as they pleased. Sam figured out the doggie door in a few seconds. Not Sherman. Finally, after 2 weeks of pleading and bribing, I'd had enough. I left him outside when I left for work. When I came home that afternoon I went into the house through the other door, leaving him outside. For a while he stood outside the door and whimpered and cried and barked. Finally I heard the tale tell click, click of the doggy door and the stampede of feet racing towards me. He'd done it! After that, there was no stopping him.

The three of us lived a quiet life in our little home. In 2002 another dog, Otis, came to live with us. We all plodded along until I met someone in 2004 who would change all our lives and introduce Sherman to one of his great joys in life.

U-J and I began dating in August of 2004. I had just started nursing school. We spent every weekend together. Our usual weekend routine consisted of U-J getting up earlier than me. He'd fix himself a cup of coffee (something I never drink) and play on the internet until I got up. He began to notice that his coffee seemed to disappear every time he left it on the table. One morning he returned to find Sherman nose-deep in his coffee cup, tail wagging wildly. Sherman was hooked! No cup of coffee was ever safe after that.

2004 also brought another member to our little four-legged family. I had just arrived home after spending Thanksgiving with U-J's family. I'd left the dogs at home and had a friend look in on them once or twice while I was gone. Curled up in a nest of leaves outside the fence was a tiny ball of black fur. Somehow this tiny puppy had found her way to my house. Sherman instantly became a mother hen to her. He'd sleep by her kennel to keep her from being lonely, go to her when she'd cry, and bark at her when she was bad. I knew I couldn't keep her. I was in nursing school and didn't have time to care for a 5 week old puppy. U-J and I debated what to do. He finally ended up taking her home to live with him. So, Josie became our 4th dog.

The next year and a half passed with me going to nursing school and dating U-J. Then one day in March of 2006 I heard an awful yelping noise coming from the back yard. Sherman's body was frozen and he was was crying out in pain. Oh, no not again. Several years earlier Sam ruptured a disc in his back, and I knew the signs. After several minutes, Sherman's body unfroze, but he was obviously in pain. The vet prescribed a steroid shot and confinement to a kennel to see if he would get better. He didn't. The vet referred us to a specialty clinic. X-rays confirmed my fears. Sherman had several herniated discs in his neck and surgery was his only option. Surgery that would cost in the neighborhood of $5000. That was a lot of money to an unemployed nursing student. U-J and I decided we didn't have a choice and told the vet to do the surgery.

The surgery went well. After a few days, I picked him up from the vet. Since I had been through surgery with Sam, I knew what to expect. Since I was in my last weeks of nursing school and stressed out, we decided Sherman should stay with U-J. He didn't better. We'd call the vet and get more drugs. And he only got worse.

Saturday, April 1, 2006 U-J proposed. The next day he was supposed to leave for a week in Florida. Sherman was getting worse. We decided U-J would wait one more day to leave so he could take Sherman back to the vet on Monday. I was starting mandatory NCLEX review classes that Monday and couldn't miss.

The night of April 2nd I stayed up with Sherman all night. He was bloated and his breathing was labored. He was in pain and wouldn't quit crying. That morning I got dressed and headed off to school while U-J took Sherman and headed to the vet.

What should have been a fun day of telling my friends that I was engaged was overshadowed by worry for my once happy energetic dog. U-J dropped Sherman off at the vet and began his drive to Florida. About 3:00 that afternoon he called. He was sobbing and said, "Sherman didn't make it."

I fell apart. I wanted to go home to Sam and Otis but I was dreading being home knowing that I would never again see Sherman running to the fence to greet me when I came home.

I decided to have him cremated. U-J made me promise I'd wait until he returned from his trip to pick up the ashes.

The day finally came to pick Sherman's remains. The receptionist handed me the box. I took the box, thanked her while choking back sobs, and walked outside, tears streaming down my face. He was really gone.

I was now living with U-J full time while doing my nursing externship, but I took Sherman's ashes back to my house. I really didn't know what to do with them, but I knew this was his house and where he had been the happiest.

U-J and I married later that year and bought a new house. Sherman's ashes stayed at my house for the next year. One weekend while we were at my house, U-J and I were laying in bed, and I was crying about Sherman. U-J held me tight and said he thought it was time to bring Sherman to our new house because he'd want to be with the rest of his pack. I knew he was right.

I still miss his joy, but I will never forget it.

My Dad

Only 4 months ago my mom, brother, U-J and I were sitting on the side of my dad's ICU bed saying goodbye. Today he couldn't come to the phone because he was busy clearing brush in the backyard with a chainsaw. He's been sober for 4 months, and says he can't remember when he last felt this good.

Almost dying saved his life.

Final (hopefully) update on my dad

My dad came home today.

He was in the hospital for 3 weeks. He has triple bypass last Thursday, and 3 short days later he's finally home.

The doctor says in 6 weeks he'll feel like a new man.

Thanks to all of you who had kind words to say and kept him in your thoughts and prayers.

It's going to be a very Merry Christmas this year.

Yet another post about my Pops

I promise I'll write about something else this week--maybe.

My dad finally had his heart cath today. He has blockages in 2 coronary arteries and one in his leg. Because of the location of the blockages in his coronary arteries, the doctor couldn't place stents. So, either Wednesday or Thursday he's going to have a triple bypass.

I'm worried about my dad, but I know he's being taken care of. At the moment I'm more worried about my mom. I can't imagine how tired she is. The hospital Pops is at now is 75 miles from their home. He's being kept in a small room in the Cardiac Intervention Lab. There is no where for her to stay, so she's been driving back and forth everyday. The only good part about that is at least she's getting to sleep in her own bed instead of on a hospital cot.

Update #35679983

Pops didn't have his heart cath yesterday. His kidneys weren't functioning well enough to tolerate the contrast dye. His kidneys are back to normal today, so the cath is scheduled for tomorrow.

I'll try to post something else besides family stuff soon. Right now I'm too tired and distracted to think about anything else.....

There's no place like home....

We're home, and I feel guilty for being so happy to be here.

Pops really wants to go home. I guess this is the longest he's been away from home in years and years. He was really hoping to be able to go home today. No such luck. He's going by ambulance to a much bigger hospital about 100 miles away for a heart cath tomorrow.

The past week has been surreal. Some events are permanently burned into my memory....

My mom's shaky hand signing Pops' DNR....

Pops telling me that he didn't want an open casket....

My mom, brother, U-J and I sitting and standing around Pops' bed holding hands while he tells us to take care of each other....

Seeing my dad walk down the hall 2 days after the doctors told us he wouldn't make it....

As emotional draining and stressful as this week has been, there has been beauty and love.....lots and lots of love....

Update #???

Pops is out of ICU and into a regular room. He'll be in the hospital for a few more days. He's getting bossy and cranky and wants to come home--he must be feeling better :)

Thanks for all the kind words and prayers. U-J and I will be headed home tomorrow....

Thanksgiving 2007

Thanksgiving 2007 will go down as one of the worst days of my life.

The hospital called us about 15 minutes before we were planning on leaving for the hospital and told us we needed to get to the hospital ASAP. My heart dropped into my stomach. I've made that call to families before......

We (U-J, Mom and me) arrive at the hospital and Mom and U-J immediately go to see Pops. The nurse holds me up and tells me I need to get Mom to sign Pops' DNR. That is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.....

His nurse tells me he is probably not going to make it through the day. His pastor is an RT at the hospital, and the nurse has already called him. Thankfully, he tells Pops what is going on (I don't think I could have told him) and that he needs to tell us goodbye.....

My mom is in pieces. They began dating when they were 16 and have been married for 43 years. Pops is asking for my brother. I have to tell my brother that Pops is going to die and he's waiting for him to get there so he can say goodbye.....

I begin to call family. Pops gives me a list of friends to call. Then he begins to plan his funeral. I spent rest of the morning calling family and friends, taking care of my mom, saying goodbye to my dad and crying. Pops keeps asking for my brother. I desperately want my brother to get to the hospital (he made a 5 hour drive in less than 4 hours), and at the same time I dread him arriving. I fully believe that once Pops has us all together and tells us he loves us, he is going to go.....

My brother arrives. We spend time as a family. Tons of tears are shed. This is the first time I have ever seen U-J cry. Pops keeps telling my mom to smile....

The ICU nurses are GREAT. He is the only patient in the ICU, so we have the floor to ourselves. They set as many chairs up in the room as they could and let him have as many visitors as he wants--and he wants to see everyone.

Several of his friends scrap their Thanksgiving plans and drive 2, 3, 4 hours to see him. Once he has a room full of people, U-J, my brother and I slip out to get something to eat (none of are hungry, but we know we need to eat and decompress a little.) My dad won't let my mom out of his sight, so she stays.....

We return to the hospital an hour or so later after the worst Thanksgiving meal ever. When we return, he has a room full of friends, he's telling stories and smiling. He's at peace, and miraculously, a little stronger....

I send my brother and U-J home for the night. Mom stays in his room, and I try to sleep in the waiting room. I don't want her to be at the hospital alone if he passes away.....

This morning the doctor comes in and says that he has to spend one more day in the ICU. The next day he can go to a regular room, and then if all goes well he can go home.....

It isn't over, but it been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride......

Update #2

Pops was much better today. The BiPAP and NG tube are gone. He's wanting to know when he can go home. He's still in the ICU and will probably be there through tomorrow and then hopefully he'll graduate to a regular room. Some of his quick wit has returned. He definitely has some heart damage. His ejection fraction is only 19%.

U-J and I will be going to my aunt's tomorrow for T-giving (she only lives an hour from the hospital.) Mom is going to spend the day with Pops at the hospital.

I'm going to bed--so tired......

Update...

A short update on my dad. We drove to Florida to see him today. He's still in ICU and probably will be for a few more days. They think he probably had a small heart attack before he got to the ED. He's getting help to breathe. His body is just really tired out. He didn't know I was there.

For any medical people who read this, his pH was 7.68 and potassium was 2.5 this morning. He's got an NG tube and he's on BiPAP. His lungs are getting clearer, the ascites is better and the swelling in his extremities is going down. He had to be on a dopamine drip earlier today and be restrained.

My mom is worn out and relieved we are here. We'll go back in the morning and see what tomorrow brings. Thanks to those of you who are keeping us in your thoughts.

Sigh

My dad is in the hospital.

He's had a really bad cold for a couple of weeks. I talked to him on Friday and he sounded really funny. He was slurring his words and repeating himself. My mom assured me it was just because he hadn't been sleeping well. He'd been to the doctor the day before and gotten some antibiotics.

Today his legs were very swollen and he was complaining about being short of breath. My mom took him back to the doctor. His oxygen saturation was in the 80's, his lungs had fluid in them and his EKG was abnormal. So, the doctor sent him to the ED.

His lab work came back. His potassium is critically low at 1.6, his sodium is critically low (mom didn't know the number) and all his other electrolytes are abnormal. He's being admitted, possibly to the ICU. The low potassium explains the abnormal EKG and the low sodium plus the low oxygen explain the altered mental status. So, he's getting lasix to pull off the excess fluid and K-riders to replace his potassium.

U-J and I are debating going down early for Thanksgiving. Sigh.