Call the Whambulance

I'm not having such a great week. It's only Wednesday, and I don't have much hope for the rest of the week.

U-J and I went to a Welcome Back from Iraq party for a friend's son Saturday night. There were puppies, apparently flea ridden puppies, everywhere. Sunday I woke up with flea bites ALL OVER. And they ITCH!

Monday I had to be at work at 5:30am to begin the 450 audiograms I have to get finished this month. An HR associate went back to the head of HR after her audiogram and reported that it took 13 minutes! So, the head of HR runs into the Health Center to tell me I'll hold up production if each tests takes 13 minutes!

Sigh.

First of all, annual audiograms are required by OSHA, I'm not just doing these for the fun of it.

Second of all, the actual hearing test takes 8 minutes. Plus, everyone has to fill out a hearing history form. And I'm required by OSHA to go over test results with each employee. This has been explained repeatedly to the head of HR.

Finally, tattling HR associate neglects to tell the head of HR that she hung around in the Health Center chatting as part of her 13 minutes of test time.

On Tuesday a department manager sends an associate to the Health Center for a post-accident drug test.

Of course the employee tests "non-negative" (positive) for not one, but 2, drugs.

When that happens, I have to go through a ton of "chain of custody" paperwork to have the specimen sent to a lab for further analysis. Meanwhile, I'm trying to do audiograms AND a pre-employment physical.

I call the manager to tell them the associate has a "non-negative" test result, and I'm sending her home until we have lab confirmation.

I get a call back from the manager. "Could antibiotics cause the test to be positive?"

"Anything is possible, but antibiotics causing a non-negative test result would be unusual. That is why the specimen will be sent to the lab for confirmation."

In rushes the manager with the associate and a prescription bottle for hydrocodone. Last time I checked, that wasn't an antibiotic.

"Can you clear the associate if you see the prescription bottle?"

"No, that is not in my scope of practice (and that wouldn't account for the positive meth reading, I think to myself.) The sample has to be sent to the lab for confirmation."

"But that means it will be 3 days before the associate can return to work."

"If you want the associate to remain at work, that is your decision, but I will not be responsible."

At this point, the manager tries to go over my head to the Safety Manager. Thankfully, I work with a very good and supportive safety manager.

Oh, BTW, with all this going on, I manage to be 9 audiograms ahead of schedule by the end of the day.

And then we come to Today.

I have to go to the monthly staff meeting for the occupational health company I work for, which is 75 miles from my house. We all know how I feel about other drivers.

After the meeting is over, I stop by a fast food restaurant to grab a sandwich to eat on the drive back to my work site.

There are 2 high school dropouts taking orders at the front counter, one taking orders at the drive-thru window and one cooking. Yes, that is 3 people taking orders and only one person in the kitchen. The manager finally lumbers out of his office to turn off the fry cooker which has been beeping very loudly for the last 5 minutes, sees what is going on, and goes back into his office.

I finally get my order and an explanation. Apparently it "takes a long time to make a ham sandwich."

Twenty-two minutes to be exact.

After work ,I head to the health food store to buy dog food. There are only 2 parking places in the front of the store. The person turning into the parking lot in front of me parks her car diagonally across both spaces. Instead of straightening her car when she sees me pull in the driveway behind her, she gets out of her car, looks directly at me, and goes in the store.

Bitch.

So, I have to park in the back. Normally that wouldn't bother me, but today I'm buying a 40 pound bag of dog food.

After lugging my bag of dog food to the car, I go to the grocery store. I do not like going to the grocery store, but I think that will be a separate entry.

Oh, the flea bites? They still itch!!