Nautical Dawn

Every. Time.

2010-07-30T23:02:00.002-04:00

Have you ever read something so unsettling that it sticks with you for days, weeks, maybe even months? If you read or watch the news you are exposed to hundreds of stories about people being murdered, children being abused, elderly being neglected....and sadly they all blur together....usually.

Back in March I read the story about a Korean couple who let their 3 month old starve to death while they played a video game where, ironically, they were caring for a virtual child. At the time I read the story, I had a 6 week old baby girl.

My baby was born the last of January. She weighed 5 pound and 15 ounces. I began trying to breastfeed her. When we left the hospital two days later, she weighed 5 pounds and 12 ounces. Two days later when we took her for her first visit with the pediatrician she was down to 5 pounds 2 ounces. She had lost 13% of her body weight in 4 days.

I was starving my baby, or at least that's the way I felt.

I managed to get out of the pediatricians office before I completely broke down. My poor husband held me in the parking lot as I wept. The doctor gave us some formula and sent us home with instructions to supplement her feedings. We put an ounce of formula in the bottle and she ate it greedily. And while I was happy she was getting nourishment, I felt like a total failure.

For weeks we continued to struggle with breastfeeding. I read everything I could find on the internet and went to see a lactation consultant. I finally made the decision to pump and give my little girl breast milk combined with formula in a bottle.

One night while I was washing bottles I caught the smell of soured milk. A sentence from one of the articles I read about the Korean baby's death popped into my head.

The girl, who was born prematurely and weighed 5 pounds, was often fed rotten formula and was beaten when she cried out of hunger

All I could imagine was that poor starving baby drinking spoiled formula, fighting to stay alive.

Every time I wash bottles and the smell of the spoiled milk assaults me, I think about that baby. Every. Time. And I want to yell and scream and cry. Every. Time. And I want to forget I ever read it. Every. Time. And I don't want to forget.......I don't want to become immune to the tragedies in our world.

Baby Product Reviews*

2010-03-20T22:07:00.012-04:00

When you become a new mom you quickly learn which baby products are worth your money and which are not. Here's a list of things I have found useful and ones that are a waste of money:

Burp cloths
Total waste of money. Yes they are cute and seem like a good idea, but the fact is they are way too small. A dish towel or cloth diaper is much more effective and cheaper!

Dr. Brown's Bottles
Love these bottles! My baby is rather gassy and these really help.

Breast Flow Bottles
Great idea especially for the breastfeeding moms. The bottles have a special nipple insert that simulates let down. However, my baby wasted more milk than she drank with these bottles. I think when she gets bigger, these may work. The nipples just seems way to big for her and more milk ended up running out of her mouth than ended up in her mouth.

miPump
I have a mixed review for this breast pump. Overall I like it.

Pros include:
Good value for the money
Small but fairly powerful-8 suction levels
Separate base for use with batteries
Comfortable breast shields
Cute carrying case

Cons include:
No replacement parts are available
Some of the parts can not be sterilized with steam
Handle which allows one handed pumping does not work on large breasts

Sterilizer Bags
These are great. Just pop cleaned bottles and parts into the bag, add water and microwave for 90 seconds.

Drying Rack
There are many bottle drying racks on the market, but I like this one because it is collapsible, making it easy to wash in the dishwasher.

Swaddler
Keeping a baby swaddled in a blanket can be hard if you have a squirmy baby like mine. The Swaddler works great. They come in cotton knit, flannel and fleece.

Car Seat Chime
I have 2 of these hanging from the handle of the car seat. My baby loves looking at them and trying to hit them.

Carter's Layette set
I have 2 of these sets and LOVE them. My baby is rather thin and long. She isn't chubby enough to fit in 0-3 sizes, but she's too long to fit in newborn bodysuits with feet. Since these don't have feet, I'm getting tons more use out of them. As a bonus, they can be made into a gown by changing how you snap the legs up.

*Token FCC disclaimer: I was not provided with any incentive, monetary or otherwise, to make this post or endorse any of these products.

New Arrival

2010-03-20T22:05:00.001-04:00

We welcomed our new addition to the world on Jan. 24th. You can read about it here.

Crazy pregnancy dream

2009-11-28T04:30:00.003-05:00

After telling my husband about this dream, he insisted I write t it down.......

I'm alone in my house except it's not my house, but it is located where my house is. I hear on the news that there is an space yeti on the loose. One of our friends is trying to get it to cross the street in hopes that it will get run over by a car.

Meanwhile, I've put the 2 big dogs out into the yard and kept the mini-dachshund with me for protection (because ya know, a 12 pound dachshund is more threatening than a 60 pound half American bulldog.) Someone knocks on the door. It is a black man who claims to be a cop and knows Unix-Jedi from the shooting range. Of course, I open the door. He instructs me to go get several guns and all the ammo I can find.

With my guns and ammo gathered, we get in his black sports car and drive to a safe house. We arrived at the house which is surrounded by a moat. There are other people there who are also preparing for the arrival of the alien yeti, who, by the way, can shoot lightening out of his finger tips.

I proceed to load my weapons, deciding that I'll start with the .22 and work my way up to the .45. Now why I would start with a .22 to kill a space yeti who can shoot lightening, is anybodies guess. Suddenly the space yeti dons a jet backpack and soars over the moat and crashes into the house. Everyone is running around the house trying to find and kill the yeti. I'm running down the stairs when I run into the yeti. This is the point where I woke up screaming.

A Swing and A Miss

2009-09-16T20:04:00.004-04:00

A good friend of mine from nursing school was recently on Facebook talking about teaching a lab on Foleys to brand new nursing students. Upon reading her entry, my PTSD kicked in, and I started having flashbacks. You see, I almost failed nursing school because of the dreaded Foley cath.

How to place a Foley catheter is one of the first skills we were taught after the basic vital signs. It is probably the most intricate (in my opinion) skill we had to check off on in order to graduate because it is supposed to be a sterile procedure. On day one of nursing school we were all given a "Skills Booklet" detailing the skills we had to master and get checked off on before graduating. You had 3 tries to do the skill properly on an actual patient if you were unsuccessful, you were out. No big deal, you have 2 years to master and check off each skill. RIIIIGHT.

My first semester of clinicals came and went with no opportunity to try a Foley. My second semester of clinicals came and went with no opportunity to try a Foley. My third semester of clinicals came and went with no opportunity to try a Foley. (Do you see where I'm going with this?) My fourth and final semester, again no opportunity to do a Foley until the very last clinical rotation--OB. Did I just hear every nurse on the planet groan? For those of you not in the nursing profession, the 2 hardest types of patients to do a Foley on are pregnant women and little old ladies (LOLs) for many of the same reasons. Things don't look like they are supposed to on either and a lot of the time things are no longer in the right place.

So, my teacher, knowing I still needed to do a Foley calls me into a room with a VERY pregnant woman who is going to give birth in the next few minutes and the baby is in severe distress. There is the doctor, a nurse and my teacher all watching me and they are all saying "HURRY!" No pressure. Nope, none at all. So, I got her cathed and my teacher and I walked out of the room.

"Do you know what you did wrong?"

"Yep, everything."

"Yep."

Strike One.

The next day I get the chance to do another cath. Maybe now is when I should tell you some of the other reasons pregnant women are difficult to cath.

1) they are not in the best of moods
2) the labia is swollen and heavy
3) everything is VERY slippery

I walk into the room trying to look more confident than I felt. I opened my Foley tray, put on my sterile gloves. Got my tray arranged to suit me. Opened the woman's labia to begin to clean the area. And my fingers slipped. Contaminated the sterile field.

Strike Two.

Defeated, knowing I had one final chance and knowing I had only two more days before the end of the semester to do the perfect cath, I went into an empty room and sobbed.

"I guess I really shouldn't count that first cath, that might have been a little unfair. You have 2 more chances."

Reprieve. I went into an empty room with another student and practiced over and over. I felt confident the next time would be the charm.

The next day, I go into my patient's room, take a deep breath and begin the procedure. When I finish, I proudly give my teacher my skills booklet for her to sign me off.

"You contaminated the sterile field."

"What? When?"

"When you put on your gloves, your thumb grazed your arm."

Holy hell, I'm screwed. I have one day left and one more chance left. In a daze, I barely heard her say, "You will have to check off with another teacher, I can only fail you twice." I knew I would never be relaxed enough with her to pass. Maybe there was hope.

My very last day of clinicals I went to the hospital knowing today was do or die for me.

"I'm sending you down to the ER so Mrs. A can check you off."

Mrs. A was only about the coolest, funniest and smartest nursing instructor ever. She was in her 70's and had been an ER and neuro nurse for at least 50 years. Her hands shook like a Parkinson's patient, but she NEVER missed an IV. Maybe there is a chance.....

I go to the ER and find Mrs. A. We wait for someone to need a Foley. I'm praying we find a man who needs one (they are soooo easy.) Nope, not with my luck. Eighty plus year old LOL.

We walk in the room. She in not responsive. We spread her knees and OMG! I look at Mrs. A and we agree that we have to clean her up first. We gathered towels and lots of soap (I looked for a Brillo pad) and proceeded to clean her up. Next I took my pen light to find to the meatus. Remember what I said about things not being where they are supposed to be?

"I don't see it."

"Neither do I"

"So what am I going to do?" I say with panic in my voice.

"Just try where you think it should be."

Poke. Not there. And now I've contaminated the Foley. I hear the umpire whisper, "You're out, you're out."

"What do I do now? Can I go get another tray and try again?" I know my voice is a shaky whisper.

"Don't worry with a new tray, there is no way we are going to be able to do this sterile. Let's just do it. I'm going to stick my finger in her vagina so you know that isn't the right spot. You just poke around until you find it."

When we finished, she asked for my skills booklet and checked me off with her shaky signature.

Coolest nursing instructor EVER. She knew I knew HOW to do a Foley. She also knew sometimes you can't go by the book. More importantly she knew sometimes you need some help. That is the most important skill to master in nursing. Knowing when you need help and asking for it.

That was 3 years ago. I'm happy to say that she is still working in the ER and she is still teaching.

The best thing.......

2009-08-20T21:51:00.002-04:00

about being pregnant (so far) is that I don't have to hold my stomach in--I can let it all hang out!

I know it's been a while.....

2009-07-24T23:06:00.004-04:00

I know I haven't posted in....well, forever.

Unix-Jedi and I have been busy procreating. Yes folks, I'm pregnant. And I'm afraid we are DOOMED! You see, this will be the first grandchild on both sides of the family. And did I mention that all the grandparents are retired? DOOMED, I tell you!

Hopefully as the fatigue and nausea wear off, I'll be back more frequently....until the kid appears, anyway!

Why is this soooo hard?

2009-03-09T20:27:00.002-04:00

Conversation with a patient with low back pain:

Me: You have a couple of options. If the pain is not severe, I can make you an appointment to see an Orthopaedist in a few days. If you can't take the pain anymore, there is an emergency clinic that is open until 9 tonight. Both options will only cost you your $20 co-pay.

Him: Well, why did the hospital charge me $400 when I went to the ER?

Why did you go to the ER?

I had a bug bite.

You had a bug bite that resulted in a severe allergic reaction? Trouble breathing...throat closing...?

No, it just itched

If you go to the ER and it's not an emergency, your insurance doesn't pay. You have to pay.

Well, what is an "emergency?"

An emergency is where you are in danger of losing your life or a limb, NOT a bug bite that just itches you idiot!

OK, so I didn't say that the idiot part. But I REALLY wanted to! Why is this sooo hard to understand?

Wouldn't that hurt?

2009-01-28T17:47:00.002-05:00

A patient dropped by today to tell me her health history because she was sure would "impale" me....hehehe

Back to work....and reality

2009-01-04T21:22:00.002-05:00

As I'm sitting here thinking about having to go back to work tomorrow, I'm reminded of a recent staff meeting I attended. The topic was the recent employee survey. One of the low scores for my department was compensation (come on, who thinks they are being paid enough?) The big issue was the fact that we (occupational health nurses) are not paid on the same pay scale as hospital nurses.

I get 2 10-minute scheduled breaks per day, a 30-minute scheduled lunch break a day, holidays off, 2 weeks a year off, and weekends off.

Do I deserve to make what a hospital nurse makes? Hell no. There are somethings worth more than money.

Irony, con't

2008-10-01T21:36:00.002-04:00

Lost a someone today.

Favorite patient of the day

2008-09-29T21:31:00.006-04:00

Me: Are you allergic to any medicines?

Patient: Yeah, I'm allergic to hydrocodone.

Are you currently taking any medicines?

I take Lortab for my knees?

You are allergic to hydrocodone, but take Lortab? You know hydrocodone is the generic name for Lortab?

Yeah, but when is says Lortab, I'm not allergic.

*headdesk*

Just what I expected

2008-09-22T21:10:00.000-04:00

You are a
Social Conservative
(36% permissive)

and an...
Economic Conservative
(71% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Republican

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Irony

2008-09-02T20:43:00.003-04:00

The reason I love my job, the reason it is so great, is the exact same reason it sucks.

I work in occupational health. I am the only nurse for 500+ employees. I wear the hats of mother, therapist, friend, confidant, sounding board, and nurse. I see them everyday--in the hallways, in the cafeteria, in the parking lot. I get invited to their birthday parties, weddings and baby showers. I see them and care about them as PEOPLE, often friends, not just patients. And I LOVE that about my job....

Which is the reason the past couple of weeks have been difficult.

An employee came to me with left sided facial numbness that she noticed when she was getting ready for work. After examining her, I concluded that she most likely had Bell's Palsy. I called her doctor and explained my findings. The doctor concurred and called in a couple of prescriptions for her with instructions for her to make an appointment in a week. The employee went to her follow-up appointment. Just to be safe the doctor did a CT--she has Bell's Palsy AND a brain tumor (the tumor isn't causing the facial numbness because it is in a different area of the brain.)

Another employee has been struggling with a recent CABG and newly diagnosed cancer. Now he has had a massive stroke.

Some days I wish they were just patients....

"Hey Babe, how 'bout helpin' me lube my piston?"

2008-08-18T22:23:00.003-04:00

The Hubby and I were in Publix picking up a few items when he spotted this. The jokes are just too easy....

I fail to see the problem

2008-08-04T21:49:00.002-04:00

Sentenced to die for raping, murdering two women, Ohio inmate says his weight could make lethal injection too painful.

RIP

2008-06-28T22:08:00.003-04:00

Rest in peace, Uga VI.

Surrealist Compliment Generator

2008-06-13T22:59:00.004-04:00

I would beg to see your arms raised in calcification towards the expanding horizon as the minutemen stand before me with their phallic gums aimed and loaded..

I don't even want to know what "phallic gums" are especially if they are "aimed and loaded." But the fact that they are "minutemen" leaves me less than impressed.

h/t Matt G

Say again #2

2008-05-25T22:40:00.001-04:00

Overheard in the appliance department at Sears:

"So, does this stove have a confection oven?"

Two peas in a pod

2008-05-07T22:24:00.001-04:00

Rosie O'Donnell defended Rev. Jeremiah Wright on the "Today" show on Monday, saying Barack Obama's former pastor "made sense to me."

And I think that is all that really needs to be said about that.

Loss

2008-04-12T19:44:00.006-04:00

While trapped in Wal-Mart by a sudden and violent thunderstorm a little over a week ago, I found myself browsing the book section waiting for a break in the storm. A book seemed to call me: Marley and Me. I picked it up and debated for a few seconds then threw it in my basket. The day before was the 2nd anniversary of the death of my dog Sherman.

One day in September of 1998 a received a cryptic phone call from a friend telling me to come over to her house. When I arrived at her house, there he was. A fat, black and tan dachshund puppy. Only 5 months before this same friend had given me tiny red dachshund puppy for my birthday. I thought to myself what in the world am I going to do with another puppy? I took him into my arms, smelled his puppy breath and knew what I was going do--take him home.

Naming a dog Sherman when you live in the heart of Dixie may seem strange. He was named not for the yankee bastard who burned his way through the South, but for the tank. And a tank he was.

His was a sad beginning for a puppy. A product of a puppy mill, he had spent his entire life, until the day my friend bought him at a bargain price from a pet shop, in a small wire cage. He was nearly 4 months old and was no longer "puppyish" enough to sell for full price. He was fat and had very little muscle. The pet shop owner was happy to see him go.

So, Sherman and I went back to my little 2 bedroom rental house. I lifted him from my truck and put him down in the driveway. He followed me to the doorstep and stopped. He had no idea how to get up on the 3 inch high slab of concrete. I called to him and cajoled, but he didn't budge. He simply looked at me as if I'd asked him to climb Everest. When you have spent your whole life in a cage, everything is new and challenging.

I picked him up and brought him into the house to meet my other puppy, Sam. Apparently playing and running were also new to Sherman. He quickly caught on and from that time forward he ran every where he went. I held him in my lap that first night after he wore himself out running and playing, feeling his heart beating so fast and so hard I was afraid it would burst.

I didn't know if Sherman and I would make it through that first year. He was hardheaded and resisted being housebroken. He also had a terrible habit of shredding everything. I came home from work one day to find the entire house covered in foam from a chair and shredded magazines. Sherman was proudly standing in the middle of it all.

After that first year, I bought a house with a huge fenced yard. Sherman had FINALLY figured out that he needed to go outside to go potty. By this time it was apparent he was not a miniature dachshund as advertised. Once he learned to run and jump, the puppy fat melted off and was replaced by 27 pounds hard solid muscle.

Seemingly simple tasks were still challenging for him. I had a doggie door installed so that he and Sam could come and go as they pleased. Sam figured out the doggie door in a few seconds. Not Sherman. Finally, after 2 weeks of pleading and bribing, I'd had enough. I left him outside when I left for work. When I came home that afternoon I went into the house through the other door, leaving him outside. For a while he stood outside the door and whimpered and cried and barked. Finally I heard the tale tell click, click of the doggy door and the stampede of feet racing towards me. He'd done it! After that, there was no stopping him.

The three of us lived a quiet life in our little home. In 2002 another dog, Otis, came to live with us. We all plodded along until I met someone in 2004 who would change all our lives and introduce Sherman to one of his great joys in life.

U-J and I began dating in August of 2004. I had just started nursing school. We spent every weekend together. Our usual weekend routine consisted of U-J getting up earlier than me. He'd fix himself a cup of coffee (something I never drink) and play on the internet until I got up. He began to notice that his coffee seemed to disappear every time he left it on the table. One morning he returned to find Sherman nose-deep in his coffee cup, tail wagging wildly. Sherman was hooked! No cup of coffee was ever safe after that.

2004 also brought another member to our little four-legged family. I had just arrived home after spending Thanksgiving with U-J's family. I'd left the dogs at home and had a friend look in on them once or twice while I was gone. Curled up in a nest of leaves outside the fence was a tiny ball of black fur. Somehow this tiny puppy had found her way to my house. Sherman instantly became a mother hen to her. He'd sleep by her kennel to keep her from being lonely, go to her when she'd cry, and bark at her when she was bad. I knew I couldn't keep her. I was in nursing school and didn't have time to care for a 5 week old puppy. U-J and I debated what to do. He finally ended up taking her home to live with him. So, Josie became our 4th dog.

The next year and a half passed with me going to nursing school and dating U-J. Then one day in March of 2006 I heard an awful yelping noise coming from the back yard. Sherman's body was frozen and he was was crying out in pain. Oh, no not again. Several years earlier Sam ruptured a disc in his back, and I knew the signs. After several minutes, Sherman's body unfroze, but he was obviously in pain. The vet prescribed a steroid shot and confinement to a kennel to see if he would get better. He didn't. The vet referred us to a specialty clinic. X-rays confirmed my fears. Sherman had several herniated discs in his neck and surgery was his only option. Surgery that would cost in the neighborhood of $5000. That was a lot of money to an unemployed nursing student. U-J and I decided we didn't have a choice and told the vet to do the surgery.

The surgery went well. After a few days, I picked him up from the vet. Since I had been through surgery with Sam, I knew what to expect. Since I was in my last weeks of nursing school and stressed out, we decided Sherman should stay with U-J. He didn't better. We'd call the vet and get more drugs. And he only got worse.

Saturday, April 1, 2006 U-J proposed. The next day he was supposed to leave for a week in Florida. Sherman was getting worse. We decided U-J would wait one more day to leave so he could take Sherman back to the vet on Monday. I was starting mandatory NCLEX review classes that Monday and couldn't miss.

The night of April 2nd I stayed up with Sherman all night. He was bloated and his breathing was labored. He was in pain and wouldn't quit crying. That morning I got dressed and headed off to school while U-J took Sherman and headed to the vet.

What should have been a fun day of telling my friends that I was engaged was overshadowed by worry for my once happy energetic dog. U-J dropped Sherman off at the vet and began his drive to Florida. About 3:00 that afternoon he called. He was sobbing and said, "Sherman didn't make it."

I fell apart. I wanted to go home to Sam and Otis but I was dreading being home knowing that I would never again see Sherman running to the fence to greet me when I came home.

I decided to have him cremated. U-J made me promise I'd wait until he returned from his trip to pick up the ashes.

The day finally came to pick Sherman's remains. The receptionist handed me the box. I took the box, thanked her while choking back sobs, and walked outside, tears streaming down my face. He was really gone.

I was now living with U-J full time while doing my nursing externship, but I took Sherman's ashes back to my house. I really didn't know what to do with them, but I knew this was his house and where he had been the happiest.

U-J and I married later that year and bought a new house. Sherman's ashes stayed at my house for the next year. One weekend while we were at my house, U-J and I were laying in bed, and I was crying about Sherman. U-J held me tight and said he thought it was time to bring Sherman to our new house because he'd want to be with the rest of his pack. I knew he was right.

I still miss his joy, but I will never forget it.

My Dad

2008-03-25T21:12:00.004-04:00

Only 4 months ago my mom, brother, U-J and I were sitting on the side of my dad's ICU bed saying goodbye. Today he couldn't come to the phone because he was busy clearing brush in the backyard with a chainsaw. He's been sober for 4 months, and says he can't remember when he last felt this good.

Almost dying saved his life.

Tanks Essa Bunny! Bawk, Bawk!

2008-03-23T21:11:00.005-04:00

I don't think I've ever talked about my gun on my blog. Well, meet the Pink Commander of Doom (PCoD.) Sadly, the PCoD is only pink at heart. But now, thanks to the talent of the XMan, I have a custom-made hot pink holster AND dual magazine pouch! How awesome is that!

Quote of the Day

2008-03-14T21:55:00.003-04:00

I was eating lunch with some coworkers today. One of my coworkers has a dog named Buffy. Since the dog is a male, we give her a hard time about the name. Today she was talking about getting a second dog. Someone asked her if she was going to get another male.

Me: Of course, and she's going to name him Lady.

Say again

2008-03-13T21:41:00.002-04:00

Fox News headline: Senseless murders on the rise?

So, there are murders which make sense? I'm glad those aren't on the rise.

Worker's Comp Dos and Don'ts

2008-03-10T19:53:00.002-04:00

I know I haven't posted much lately. Work has been unusually busy. I think I can sum up much of the last month with this post.

Worker's Comp Dos and Don'ts:

DO believe the nurse and HR wants to help you if you are legitimately injured on the job.
DON'T think you have to fake an injury to get the help you need.

DO report an injury when it happens.
DON'T file an accident report saying you have been hurting for 4 months, request to see the worker's comp doctor and tell him, "Oh, I don't know for sure that I hurt myself at work. Work just makes me tired, and I want some muscle relaxers."

DO be honest about your injury.
DON'T change your story, and when you are confronted with your previous statement say, "Well, that's not what I meant."

DO see the on-site nurse as soon as possible after you are injured.
DON'T go see your chiropractor and get an "adjustment" and then file for worker's comp when he ruptures your disc.

DO keep all your doctor's appointments.
DON'T tell the nurse you didn't go because "something came up" TWICE!

DO follow the nurse's treatment plan.
DON'T say you need more NSAIDs for your tennis elbow because you spread gravel on your driveway this weekend.

DO realize you have some responsibility in taking care of your body and preventing work place accidents.
DON'T be surprised when the nurse tells you that your knees hurt in part because you are 5 feet tall and weigh 280 pounds.

DO realize as you age shit begins to hurt.
DON'T think you are entitled to a life with no pain (no matter what Joint Commission says.)

I think that just about covers it for now.

I didn't get a degree from UGA for nothin'

2008-03-03T16:43:00.000-05:00

92%DRUNKARD

Death take me now

2008-03-02T11:15:00.001-05:00

I have the flu.

Edit: Flu swab was negative, seems I just have some nasty bronchitis which I generously gave to U-J.

SCATTERGORIES!! Meme

2008-02-25T20:10:00.003-05:00

Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...they have to be
real places, names, things...nothing made up!

WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Dixie
4 LETTER WORD: Door
TV SHOW: Dynasty
CITY: Denver

GIRL NAME: Donna

DRINK: daiquiri
BOY NAME: David
SOMETHING YOU WEAR: diamonds!

OCCUPATION: ditch digger
CELEBRITY: Donald Sutherland
FOOD: dungeoness crab
SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: dirt
REASON FOR BEING LATE: dog escaped the fence
CARTOON CHARACTER: Droopy
SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: Damn!

Please feel free to play along.

Baybee Watch '08

2008-02-24T12:33:00.003-05:00

Baybee Watch '08 is over. Mom is doing great, Jackson is figuring out the whole breastfeeding thing and pdb is strutting around being the proud daddy.

Only 8 months ago pdb and I were having this IM conversation:

"So, how's Mrs. pdb? Is she still tired and nauseous?"

"Yeah."

"She's pregnant."

"No, she took a test."

"I'm telling you, she's pregnant."

Then 7 months ago we had this IM conversation:

"So, how's Mrs. pdb? Is she still tired and nauseous?"

"Yeah."

"She's pregnant."

"No, she went to the doctor."

"I'm telling you, she's pregnant."

6 months ago I get a call from U-J while I'm driving home from work, "Call pdb."

"Hey, what's up, U-J told me to call you?"

"We're pregnant!"

"I TOLD YOU SO!"

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. pdb. I've never been so happy to be right.

Holee Crap!

2008-02-22T21:17:00.000-05:00

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,331857,00.html

Dumbass of the day

2008-02-12T21:28:00.001-05:00

I stopped to get gas on the way from home today. As I was filling up my tank, I looked up and saw a guy leaning on the propane tank cage...smoking a cigarette.

I guess he'll be the first person to know if there's a leak.

All or nothing

2008-01-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

I was reading various doc blogs tonight and was reminded of yet another thing I love about not being a nurse is the hospital anymore: the DNR with exceptions.

I had a patient once who's resuscitation status read:

If patient is in respiratory arrest, DNR. If patient is in cardiac arrest, chemical code only, no CPR, no intubation.

I do not understand why doctors won't explain exactly what DNR means. It is an all or nothing proposition.

Don't intubate-if the patient survives they will be severely brain damaged.

Chemical code only with no compressions-the drugs don't go to the heart where they can work.

Sorry, you are either a DNR or not. This is not the kind of treatment you can customize.

Think you want government run health care?

2008-01-28T22:35:00.000-05:00

11-Year-Old Boy Partially Deaf for Nine Years Is Suddenly Cured

2008-01-22T21:47:00.000-05:00

Nursing Home Resident Found with Maggots in Eye Dies

In addition to the maggots, Anthony Digiannurio, of Deltona, Fla., was found with an infected breathing tube, a partially inserted catheter and bed sores when he was taken to Florida Hospital DeLand from the University Center West nursing home in November, according to the report.
It was not immediately clear if the death was associated to his care.
A representative from the nursing home said Digiannurio had "constant care from multiple hospice workers and two certified nursing aides at the nursing home."

A) Every staff person who signed that chart or had direct contact with that patient should be in jail

B) "It was not immediately clear if the death was associated to his care." Well, it certainly didn't help.

How stupid can you be?

2008-01-21T20:29:00.000-05:00

Parents of a 5 year old boy befriended Jon Savarino Schillacia, a man in prison for sexually assaulting 2 eleven year old boys. When he was released from prison they invited him to live in THEIR HOUSE, because "he (was) a very eloquent person and he wrote very nice letters, talking about how he was studying in prison and how he (was) regretting the mistakes of his youth."

Bet you can't guess what happened......

How could anyone bring a convicted child molester into their house and put their child at risk?

2008-01-16T17:40:00.000-05:00

I attended my department's monthly staff meeting today. One of the issues we discussed was retention of staff. Last year the department had an unusual year and had 40% turnover rate.

So the head of our department got called to the Big Boss's office to explain.

She divided the people who left into categories. Most of the people who left were in the "Moved Away Because Spouse Got New Job" category.

To which she was told, "People don't leave jobs they love, they get divorces."

So, I thought this statement called for a poll:

Album Meme

2008-01-14T18:19:00.000-05:00

Because all the cool kids are doing it.....

Thanks to pdb for putting it together for me.

Who ya gonna call?

2008-01-04T21:39:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears was forcibly removed from her house last night and placed in restraints for her ambulance ride to Cedars-Sinai. She was placed on a 72 hour medical hold for a psych evaluation. Today she had her visitation rights and custody of her kids suspended.

Who can help her now, you ask?

Chuck Norris, of course!

10,000 Visits

2008-01-03T20:17:00.000-05:00

At 1:32 this morning my little blog got it's 10,000th visit. A drop in the bucket for some bloggers, but a pretty big deal to me. So thanks to all my loyal readers (both of you) for dropping by.

Make Algore cry for New Years

2007-12-31T12:16:00.000-05:00

Go here and calculate your *cough* "carbon footprint." Calculate for only yourself, come back here and post your "score." Highest score wins! But I must warn you, I scored 36!

Update: Y'all are making feel like I'm not doing my fair share to make Algore cry :(

Why is this so hard to understand?

2007-12-30T13:45:00.000-05:00

Recent conversation with a patient right after lunch:

Hey, what can I do for you?

I don't feel good, I'm having some pain in my chest. Can you take my blood pressure?

Didn't you have some chest pain while I was out and go to the ED?

Yeah.

What happened?

They said it was heartburn and gave me a prescription for Zantac.

Does this feel the same? (taking BP as we talk)

Yeah.

Well, your BP is 130/82 and your pulse is 88. When did you last take the Zantac?

Oh, I ran out and haven't gotten anymore.

Well, since you just ate lunch and don't have any other symptoms, I think you are just having more heartburn. You need to see your doctor and have it treated.

(blank stare)

Do you have a doctor?

(blank stare)

Where do you go when you are sick?

(blank stare)

You really need a doctor. You may have something more serious than just plain heartburn. You could have an ulcer or acid reflux disease......

Why didn't they test me for all that when I was in the emergency room?

Well, you went in with chest pain. They determined it wasn't a heart attack or some other emergency. They released you so you could see your doctor for treatment.

But why didn't they......

The emergency department treats emergencies. They determined your chest pain wasn't an emergency. They don't treat chronic problems.

(blank stare)

You see your doctor for non emergency problems--not the emergency department. They treat emergencies. Your heartburn wasn't an emergency.

(blank stare)

(dying a little inside) Here's some Tums and a list of local doctors.........

Uh.....what?

2007-12-15T20:53:00.000-05:00

Forbes has named the 10 most influential infants in Hollywood. Who is being influenced by these babes and why?

Final (hopefully) update on my dad

2007-12-09T21:25:00.000-05:00

My dad came home today.

He was in the hospital for 3 weeks. He has triple bypass last Thursday, and 3 short days later he's finally home.

The doctor says in 6 weeks he'll feel like a new man.

Thanks to all of you who had kind words to say and kept him in your thoughts and prayers.

It's going to be a very Merry Christmas this year.

Mr. Rogers asks:

2007-12-07T21:39:00.000-05:00

Can you say, "Future serial killer?"

I knew you could.

Dear Medicaid Loser,

2007-12-07T20:33:00.000-05:00

U-J and I went to the doctor this afternoon. Our insurance changes next year and doctor's visits are going to cost a lot more. So, we decided to see the doc one more time this year so we could get all our prescriptions renewed.

We dropped off the prescriptions at the pharmacy letting them know which ones needed to be filled right away and preceded to kill some time at Home Depot and the pet supply store while we waited.

We returned to the pharmacy to pick everything up. There was a woman in front of me picking up her stuff.

"Why dees pills look diff'rent?" she asks the pharmacist.

"Those are the ones Medicaid will pay for."

"You gots any smaller ones?"

"No, these are the ones Medicaid will pay for."

"Well, I guess I takes dees din," she says with disgust.

She and her 2 kids, both of whom have been running around the store while this conversation occurred, take the pills and leave.

I go up to the counter and fork over $80 in copays.

Dear Medicaid Loser,

If you don't like the free freaking drugs Medicaid will pay for, get a freaking job and some insurance!

Sincerely,
The angry, working, tax paying woman in line behind you

Times you're glad no one else is listening....

2007-12-06T09:44:00.000-05:00

An associate came to the health center with a muscle spasm in her shoulder. So I put some warm heat on her and then preceded to find the knot and massage it out. The following exchange ensued:

Lay down and relax. This might hurts a little. I'm going to feel around a little bit until I find your knot. Tell me when I hit the right spot.

"Oooooo, that's it, right there."

Wow, you're really tight.

"Ahhhhh, that's making my arm go numb. I think I'm starting to drool a little on the pillow."

Am I doing it to hard?

"No, it's starting to tingle."

Ok, I'm going to concentrate on your knot for a minute. Tell me when you can't take anymore.

You ok? Your face is starting to get really red.

"Ooooo no, I'm just fine. Ahhhhhhh, that feels soooooo good."

And then we put on our pajamas and had a pillow fight....

Yet another post about my Pops

2007-12-03T21:22:00.000-05:00

I promise I'll write about something else this week--maybe.

My dad finally had his heart cath today. He has blockages in 2 coronary arteries and one in his leg. Because of the location of the blockages in his coronary arteries, the doctor couldn't place stents. So, either Wednesday or Thursday he's going to have a triple bypass.

I'm worried about my dad, but I know he's being taken care of. At the moment I'm more worried about my mom. I can't imagine how tired she is. The hospital Pops is at now is 75 miles from their home. He's being kept in a small room in the Cardiac Intervention Lab. There is no where for her to stay, so she's been driving back and forth everyday. The only good part about that is at least she's getting to sleep in her own bed instead of on a hospital cot.

What is going on?

2007-11-29T21:32:00.000-05:00

I checked SiteMeter. I'm getting hit after hit on this entry. The referring URL is Google Images. Someone PLEASE tell me what's going on.

Update #35679983

2007-11-28T19:47:00.000-05:00

Pops didn't have his heart cath yesterday. His kidneys weren't functioning well enough to tolerate the contrast dye. His kidneys are back to normal today, so the cath is scheduled for tomorrow.

I'll try to post something else besides family stuff soon. Right now I'm too tired and distracted to think about anything else.....

There's no place like home....

2007-11-26T22:15:00.000-05:00

We're home, and I feel guilty for being so happy to be here.

Pops really wants to go home. I guess this is the longest he's been away from home in years and years. He was really hoping to be able to go home today. No such luck. He's going by ambulance to a much bigger hospital about 100 miles away for a heart cath tomorrow.

The past week has been surreal. Some events are permanently burned into my memory....

My mom's shaky hand signing Pops' DNR....

Pops telling me that he didn't want an open casket....

My mom, brother, U-J and I sitting and standing around Pops' bed holding hands while he tells us to take care of each other....

Seeing my dad walk down the hall 2 days after the doctors told us he wouldn't make it....

As emotional draining and stressful as this week has been, there has been beauty and love.....lots and lots of love....

Update #???

2007-11-25T19:24:00.000-05:00

Pops is out of ICU and into a regular room. He'll be in the hospital for a few more days. He's getting bossy and cranky and wants to come home--he must be feeling better :)

Thanks for all the kind words and prayers. U-J and I will be headed home tomorrow....

Thanksgiving 2007

2007-11-24T00:34:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving 2007 will go down as one of the worst days of my life.

The hospital called us about 15 minutes before we were planning on leaving for the hospital and told us we needed to get to the hospital ASAP. My heart dropped into my stomach. I've made that call to families before......

We (U-J, Mom and me) arrive at the hospital and Mom and U-J immediately go to see Pops. The nurse holds me up and tells me I need to get Mom to sign Pops' DNR. That is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.....

His nurse tells me he is probably not going to make it through the day. His pastor is an RT at the hospital, and the nurse has already called him. Thankfully, he tells Pops what is going on (I don't think I could have told him) and that he needs to tell us goodbye.....

My mom is in pieces. They began dating when they were 16 and have been married for 43 years. Pops is asking for my brother. I have to tell my brother that Pops is going to die and he's waiting for him to get there so he can say goodbye.....

I begin to call family. Pops gives me a list of friends to call. Then he begins to plan his funeral. I spent rest of the morning calling family and friends, taking care of my mom, saying goodbye to my dad and crying. Pops keeps asking for my brother. I desperately want my brother to get to the hospital (he made a 5 hour drive in less than 4 hours), and at the same time I dread him arriving. I fully believe that once Pops has us all together and tells us he loves us, he is going to go.....

My brother arrives. We spend time as a family. Tons of tears are shed. This is the first time I have ever seen U-J cry. Pops keeps telling my mom to smile....

The ICU nurses are GREAT. He is the only patient in the ICU, so we have the floor to ourselves. They set as many chairs up in the room as they could and let him have as many visitors as he wants--and he wants to see everyone.

Several of his friends scrap their Thanksgiving plans and drive 2, 3, 4 hours to see him. Once he has a room full of people, U-J, my brother and I slip out to get something to eat (none of are hungry, but we know we need to eat and decompress a little.) My dad won't let my mom out of his sight, so she stays.....

We return to the hospital an hour or so later after the worst Thanksgiving meal ever. When we return, he has a room full of friends, he's telling stories and smiling. He's at peace, and miraculously, a little stronger....

I send my brother and U-J home for the night. Mom stays in his room, and I try to sleep in the waiting room. I don't want her to be at the hospital alone if he passes away.....

This morning the doctor comes in and says that he has to spend one more day in the ICU. The next day he can go to a regular room, and then if all goes well he can go home.....

It isn't over, but it been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride......

Update #2

2007-11-21T22:27:00.000-05:00

Pops was much better today. The BiPAP and NG tube are gone. He's wanting to know when he can go home. He's still in the ICU and will probably be there through tomorrow and then hopefully he'll graduate to a regular room. Some of his quick wit has returned. He definitely has some heart damage. His ejection fraction is only 19%.

U-J and I will be going to my aunt's tomorrow for T-giving (she only lives an hour from the hospital.) Mom is going to spend the day with Pops at the hospital.

I'm going to bed--so tired......

Update...

2007-11-20T21:38:00.000-05:00

A short update on my dad. We drove to Florida to see him today. He's still in ICU and probably will be for a few more days. They think he probably had a small heart attack before he got to the ED. He's getting help to breathe. His body is just really tired out. He didn't know I was there.

For any medical people who read this, his pH was 7.68 and potassium was 2.5 this morning. He's got an NG tube and he's on BiPAP. His lungs are getting clearer, the ascites is better and the swelling in his extremities is going down. He had to be on a dopamine drip earlier today and be restrained.

My mom is worn out and relieved we are here. We'll go back in the morning and see what tomorrow brings. Thanks to those of you who are keeping us in your thoughts.

Sigh

2007-11-19T20:38:00.000-05:00

My dad is in the hospital.

He's had a really bad cold for a couple of weeks. I talked to him on Friday and he sounded really funny. He was slurring his words and repeating himself. My mom assured me it was just because he hadn't been sleeping well. He'd been to the doctor the day before and gotten some antibiotics.

Today his legs were very swollen and he was complaining about being short of breath. My mom took him back to the doctor. His oxygen saturation was in the 80's, his lungs had fluid in them and his EKG was abnormal. So, the doctor sent him to the ED.

His lab work came back. His potassium is critically low at 1.6, his sodium is critically low (mom didn't know the number) and all his other electrolytes are abnormal. He's being admitted, possibly to the ICU. The low potassium explains the abnormal EKG and the low sodium plus the low oxygen explain the altered mental status. So, he's getting lasix to pull off the excess fluid and K-riders to replace his potassium.

U-J and I are debating going down early for Thanksgiving. Sigh.

Chuck Norris--'nough said Part 2

2007-11-19T20:33:00.001-05:00

I've never heard of Mike Huckabee, but he's got my vote!

Free to a good home

2007-11-18T22:04:00.000-05:00

I was laying in bed about 2 weeks ago when I heard a pitiful "Mawww."

Once we determined it wasn't the Kitty From Hell (aka U-J cat) crying, we went out on the deck. And there she was, on the roof, crying pitifully to get down. We finally got her down. She was scrawny and very hungry. So, of course we fed her. Despite being scared and hungry, she was very lovey.

The next day when I got home, she was gone. Ok, well, she got a little food and moved on. We really don't need another animal. Then it got dark and she reappeared. That has happened every night for the last 2 weeks except one.

She's not afraid of the dogs even though our goofy black lab keeps trying to taste her. I did make the mistake of introducing her to KFH. After much hissing back and forth, I got peed on.

We have no idea what we are going to do with her. We REALLY don't need another pet. But dammit, she's so sweet......

Emergency Department

2007-11-18T10:11:00.000-05:00

I was 21 when I paid my first visit to the ED. My parents took me to the local ED at about 2am. I was doubled over in pain and vomiting. You guessed it, kidney stone. I was immediately taken to a room, seen by a physician and given pain medicine--I really don't know what all happened after that.......

The next visit was 18 months later. This time it was my roommate who took me to the ED in the middle of the night. Again, I was doubled over in pain and vomiting. Again, I was taken immediately to a room. I remember a nurse saying, "Honey, I have kidney stones too, and I'm going right now to get you some pain medicine."

A year ago today, I broke my ankle. After arriving at the ED, I was triaged by a nice nurse and promptly taken back to a room. My total time in the ED-- triage, x-rays, MD visit, splinting-- took less than an hour.

And just so you know, all this happened at 3 different hospitals, in 2 different states.

I've only had to go the ED 3 times in my entire life, and all 3 times were emergencies. Maybe that is why my experiences with the ED have been positive.

Sometimes all you need to know is in the title

2007-11-13T22:16:00.000-05:00

Man Dies After Getting Stuck in Girlfriend's Cat Door

I just don't understand

2007-11-10T23:05:00.000-05:00

A patient comes to the clinic complaining of a fatigue and headache. The person with him says, "he's just not a perky as he usually is."

So, I begin to interview him with the standard questions.

When did you start feeling bad?
This morning.

Where do you hurt?
Back of my neck.

Do you hurt anywhere else?
No

Has this happened before?
No.

Do you have high blood pressure?
Yes.

Any other health problems or conditions?
No.

When did you last take your medicine?
This morning.

What do you take?
2 pills.

Do you know the names?
No. I can't remember right now.

And so on, and so on......

I take his BP and its 188/111. I do an assessment and find nothing else unusual. So I get him to lay down, give him something for his headache, arrange for him to be taken home and called his doctor.

After I do all this, I go back to check on him and take his BP again. It's gone down a good bit.

You feeling any better?
A little.

Any chest pain?
No. You know I had one of those things done to my heart a few months ago (as he points to his groin.)

A heart cath?
One of those things where they go in your leg......

Did they put anything in your heart, a stent?
I don't know.

Did they give you a card to keep in your wallet? (for those who don't know, you usually get a card to carry saying what kind of stent was placed)
(digging around in his wallet) Yeah, this.

Have you been able to remember what medicines you take?
No.

But you did take them this morning?
Yes, but that is the first time in about 2 weeks. I just got it refilled yesterday.

Why didn't you get them filled when you ran out? Are you having trouble paying for them? You know, some pharmacies have some medicines for $4......I can help you.....
No, I don't pay for them, I get them from the health department.

How's your head feeling now? (because mine is about to spin around.)
Well its not as bad as when I have migraines.

*Sigh*

Why in the hell didn't you tell me about the cath, the history of migraines, and not taking your medicine for 2 weeks when I first talked to you? And, how in the hell do you not know what someone did to your freaking heart and what the names are of the freaking pills you take?

Big surprise

2007-11-09T17:26:00.001-05:00

What American accent do you have? (Best version so far)

Southern

People used to hate Southern accents but now everyone wants one.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Pubic service announcement

2007-11-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

It's bad enough I have test your pee, so please get the pube off the cup before you hand it to me.

Fo Shizzle

2007-11-07T20:06:00.000-05:00

In an attempt to reach out to a broader audience I offer this......

Potty Training

2007-11-07T16:27:00.000-05:00

As if I need one more reason to be happy that I don't work in the hospital anymore......

Huh

2007-11-07T16:18:00.000-05:00

Who'd a thunk?

h/t Squeaky Wheel

Major WTF!!!!

2007-11-06T22:33:00.000-05:00

The Collier County Sherrif's Office issued the drug alert on the use of Jenkem, a hallucinogenic drug being used by high school students. Jenkem is an inhaled gas made from fermented sewage which can result in dissociation and hallucinations.

Yes, my friends, kids are now using piss and poo to get high. I'm sure either Law and Order or CSI will have it in a show soon........

Why I'm glad I never had to work in fast food......

2007-11-05T19:12:00.000-05:00

The first of the month means lots and lots of pre-hire physicals. My last physical of the day was a middle aged woman who manages a fast food restaurant. In the course of the physical I noticed a large, swollen oval bruise on her arm.

"What happened here?"

"Oh, I caught an employee stealing, and when I confronted her, she bit me."

Holy crap!

Just drink like the rest of us.......

2007-11-04T15:41:00.000-05:00

One of my regular duties at work is post-accident drug testing. Usually the associate pees in the cup, the negative result shows up within 5 minutes, and I can send them back to work. Usually......

The safety officer pops into my office and says there is an associate who needs a drug test and for me to send him home afterwards, or the safety officer adds as a afterthought, send him back to work if its negative. Weird.

A manager escorts the associate to my office and says the exact same thing, and leaves us to the test.

I smile at the associate and say, "Everything's going to be ok, right?"

I get a sideways glance and silence.

"Please don't tell me you did some weed or something this weekend."

Again, I get silence.

"You know you are going to lose your job, right,"

The associate finally responds, "I know."

"Ok, here's the cup, go pee."

The associate goes to the bathroom, shoulders slumped and a resigned look.

Not surprisingly, the test is positive for marijuana. So, I do my thing to send it off to the lab for confirmation and send the associate home.

A few minutes later the safety officer sits down in my office to tell me the story. The associate dropped nearly $4000 worth of product. When told that there would be a drug test, the response was, "I won't pass."

Apparently the associate had been under a lot of stress at home and smoked a dime bag the night before to relax.

Now this person (who was a really good worker) has gone from making $35K a year (not a small amount in the rural community where the plant is located) to being fired for drug use.

Was it the short bus?

2007-11-02T20:16:00.000-04:00

My dad was a school principal for nearly 30 years. Over the years he saved some of the best notes he ever got from parents. My favorite one was this:

Please excuse Johnny for being retarded today, he missed the bus.

Cheeeeese!

2007-11-02T16:53:00.000-04:00

U-J and I have found the BEST cheese--Butterkase. It's a semi-soft German cheese. YUM!

As opposed to name brand?

2007-11-02T16:05:00.002-04:00

I called a patient at home today to check on her. She had not been back to work since she got sick on Wednesday.

"Hey, this is the nurse. I was just calling to see how you are."

"The doctor says I have migraines. My mom and sister have them, so they must be generic."

First nooses, now bombs

2007-11-01T09:42:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I got this message for from my alma mater:

There have been several questions on campus about a reported bomb threat this morning. I'm writing now to tell you what happened. A caller made the threat to the Podunk Police Department at 8:30 this morning, saying a "faculty building" would be targeted at 11 a.m. University Police was notified and we called in Podunk Police, the Sheriff's Office and the Bomb Squad. After extensive investigation, and consultation with university administration, we decided to evacuate the Faculty Office Building at 10:30 this morning until early afternoon. No other buildings on campus were deemed to be in any danger whatsoever.

Since there are no classes held in Faculty Office Building, there was no need to cancel any classes or disrupt any other business operations on campus today, except those in the Faculty Office Building.

I'd like to thank the many people who helped during this process and made everything progress smoothly. And I'd like to thank the campus community for all you do to help keep our campus safe.

Barney Fife, Chief
University Police

Get over it already!

2007-10-29T19:24:00.000-04:00

I got this email from one of my alma maters today:

On Friday afternoon, a student group decorated the second floor of the Davidson Student Center with various props as part of a Halloween haunted house that was held this past weekend. One of those props was a rope noose that hung in a stairwell. Several people saw the noose before administrators or student leaders realized that this prop was a Halloween decoration put up as a component of the haunted house. Upon notification, Student Affairs administration immediately removed the noose. There was absolutely no offense intended toward any group or individual.

Good grief! I'm so tired of people being so easily offended and self centered. Guess what? Everything is not about you or someone trying to offend you.

Sometimes a rope tied into a knot is just a rope tied into a knot.

Home alone

2007-10-28T18:05:00.000-04:00

I just got back from taking U-J to the airport. He's off to Chicago for a few days for work. He is NOT happy about going.

But, I get to have the house to myself. I can watch whatever I want, eat whatever I want, do whatever I want!! Woohoo, let the party begin!

So, my mind is wondering, pondering all the possibilities, as I drive home. I get close to the house and see his red SUV in the driveway. Automatically, my heart skips a beat and I think, "Oh good, he's home!"

Dammit, I'm going to miss him.

Great, just great

2007-10-26T17:49:00.000-04:00

Russians Successfully Breed Cockroaches in Space

I blame PETA

2007-10-22T21:31:00.000-04:00

Luxurious Faux Mink Coat

"I'd rather go naked than wear fur."

My Anniversaquarium

2007-10-22T20:22:00.000-04:00

U-J got me an aquarium for our anniversary. I LOVE aquariums and had one on and off for years. This is the biggest one I've ever had (18 gallons--I know that is not very big, but I've never had the space for a bigger one until now.)

So in honor of my new aquarium, I thought I'd tell a story....

When I was around 4 years old, I wanted a dog. So I asked my parents for one. What I got was a 10 gallon aquarium with some fish.

I suppose my mother thought that with 2 kids to raise, a husband, a house to take care of and a full time job, she didn't have time to house break a puppy and make sure it got fed (I'm sure if any mothers reading this, they are nodding their heads.)

The fish kept dying. Not all at once, but one at a time. My parents couldn't figure out why the fish were dying. My mom kept cleaning the tank thinking that something in the water was the culprit.

Finally the woman who kept me during the day could no longer stand by and let the lives of innocent fish be flushed down the toilet. She broke the code of silence sacred between babysitter and kid and told my parents what was happening.

I was catching the fish, petting them and putting them back in the tank.

I got a dog soon afterwards.

Anniversary

2007-10-21T21:21:00.000-04:00

Today was our first anniversary. U-J took me to the place where we were married. Someone was having a 50th Anniversary party there. Good sign if you ask me.

Worst excuse EVER

2007-10-20T22:54:00.000-04:00

A man who admitted he beat his girlfriend's 2-year-old son offered an excuse that angered a judge: He said he's not a morning person.

Emergency Conference Call

2007-10-17T20:52:00.000-04:00

Emergency conference calls are never a good thing.

Today I had to rearrange my schedule for an hour long conference call. Since most of the people who work in the occupational health department of the hospital are out in businesses, a conference call is a fairly good way to let us all know what's going on.

So here's what's going on. The hospital is WAY over budget. Positions are being eliminated and hours are being cut. Occupational health was less affected than most departments, but we lost one part-time medical assistant, and the office manager got cut back to part-time.

Fortunately the other nurses in the department and I generate tangible revenue. Unfortunately, in the hospital setting, nurses don't generate tangible revenue. No where on your hospital bill is there a line item for nursing care. So, guess which people have had their hours reduced or their job eliminated?

People get irate when they get their hospital bill. Five dollars for a Tylenol! Twenty dollars for an IV catheter! I'm being ripped off! So, they complain. In order to maintain patient satisfaction, the hospital absorbs a lot of those costs.

Well guess what? You are not only paying for the Tylenol. You are paying for a nurse to verify the doctors orders, confirm that you aren't allergic to Tylenol, bring you the Tylenol and assess the outcome of you taking the Tylenol.

You are not just paying for the IV catheter. You are paying for the nurse to put the IV catheter in, keep the catheter patent, administer drugs through the IV, assess the site for infection and infiltration, and disconnect the IV catheter.

Nurses do the majority of patient care in the hospital but they don't get to bill for their services. Maybe hospitals should start to bill per hour for nursing care. Just a thought.....

It's been a year already?

2007-10-15T21:18:00.000-04:00

This weekend will be U-J's and my first anniversary. What a year it has been! Actually, you have to go back a year and a half to appreciate the fact that we are still together and sane (well, he is anyway.)

A year and a half ago, U-J proposed.

Two days later one of my dogs (my precious standard dachshund Sherman) died. We spent over 2 months and $5000 to keep him alive. It was worth every penny to know that I did everything I could for him. He was a great dog. I have tears in my eyes just writing about him. I still miss him.

The following month I graduated from nursing school, moved in with U-J and started working in the hospital.

A month later I took NCLEX and proudly passed needing only 75 questions and 45 minutes to take it. After I passed, I became Charge Nurse on a 31 bed medical/telemetry floor with almost no orientation.

July, August and September consisted of planning the wedding and struggling to learn to become a nurse.

We were married on the most beautiful October day. Ten days later, we bought a house.

Eleven days after that, my cousin's husband had a massive heart attack and died at the age of 47. We went to his funeral. As we were leaving my aunt's house, I fell down a step and broke my left ankle. Do I know how to make a funeral all about me, or what?

I tried to go back to work, but you can't really do any nursing when you can't put any weight on your foot. So, I jumped through all the hoops to get a medical leave of absence. Ten days before Christmas I get an email, yes and email, saying that I have been fired because the hospital can't hold my position open. Never mind that the floor is already down 3 RNs.

I finally got the cast off in January and began to walk again. I also started searching for a new job. The medical bills started rolling in. Apparently the hospital canceled my insurance a day before the last day I was actually at work (20 days before they fired me.) Luckily, I also had insurance through U-J also, but trying to change everything became a nightmare.

I got a job offer a few days before Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, I also got in a wreck on I-20 on the way home from the interview. Luckily no one was hurt.

I started working on a renal/telemetry floor and HATED it. I also began having anxiety attacks. I think my body was just in a constant state of vigilance wondering what was going to happen next.

Guess what happens next? My house, which I haven't sold yet, got vandalized. A 1o year old, very disturbed little girl did $5000 dollars worth of damage to my house.

By this time, the anxiety has gotten the better of me, and I can't work anymore. So, I quit my job.

I took the next month or so to get myself some help.

In July I found the job I have now. I love it!

So, things have finally calmed down. I figure if we survived the last 18 months, we are going to be okay.

Redneck Vasectomy

2007-10-13T21:11:00.001-04:00

My dad sent me this:

A Kentucky couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children.

They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision. Why after nine children, would they choose to do this?

The husband and wife replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

Worker's Comp

2007-10-10T20:00:00.000-04:00

An Indiana appeals court upheld a worker's compensation award Tuesday for an exotic dancer who was injured while performing on a pole at a strip club.

The Indiana Court of Appeals ruled in favor of Angela Hobson and ordered the state Worker's Compensation Board to determine if she was entitled to double compensation.

Hobson claimed she suffered neck pain and numbness after injuring herself while dancing at the Shangri-La West club in Fort Wayne on Dec. 20, 2001. She underwent surgery for a herniated disc in her cervical spine, according to court records.

I wasn't going to write anything tonight because I'm dead tired, but this reminded me of my personal experience with Worker's Comp. No, I was never a stripper.

While working in horticulture, I injured my elbow. I was seeing the local doctor (ok, only doctor in a 30 mile radius) for treatment.

While I was getting treatment for my elbow, I saw the same physician for my annual tune-up (you know, oil change, tire rotation, pap smear....) Well, a month or so after my tune-up visit, I get a letter from Worker's Comp telling me that they aren't going to cover my pap smear.

I started laughing right there in the post office. My doctor's office had billed my pap smear to Worker's Comp!

I've always wondered what must have gone through that claims agent's mind when he got the bill.

"Damn, no wonder they call it HORticulture!"

This is freaking me out!

2007-10-08T23:29:00.001-04:00

Ok, this is just freaking me out.

At first she was twirling clockwise for me. Guess that means I'm right-brained. But after a few minutes, I could make her "change directions" at will.

Grocery Store Escapades!

2007-10-08T20:21:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned somewhere, I do not like to go to the grocery store. When I lived alone, I would wait until the only things left in the kitchen were ketchup, sour cream and flour before going to the store.

On my way home I started craving some spinach and artichoke dip for supper, which meant that a trip to the store for ingredients was warranted.

A few of blocks from our house is the "10% over cost" grocery store. I pull into the trash strewn parking lot and begin to mentally prepare myself to enter the store.

After taking a couple of deep breaths, placing my phone, pepper spray, organ donor card and money in my pocket, I open the door with shaking hands. I will survive.

I walk through the doors, and I'll be damned if it isn't Welfare Check Day and Social Security Check Day. The sight of $500 cars with $5000 spinning wheels and Crown Victorias with handicap parking decals crowding the parking lot should have been my first clue. Sigh. I will survive.

4:30pm I grab a buggy (or cart to you yankees) and begin the gauntlet.

4:31pm I get stuck behind Big Momma and her 14 chirren. As I wait, I marvel at the power of the knit pants she is wearing. They must be holding in 200 pounds of flesh--in each leg.

4:35pm I'm still stuck behind Big Momma and the Momettes. I'd take some deep breaths, but someone just hit puberty and hasn't yet discovered deodorant.

4:36pm There's an opening around Big Momma, and I make a run for it. I'm bobbing and weaving. I can SEE the aisle where the jar of artichokes will be.

4:37pm I'm stuck behind Eugenia and Betty. Seems they haven't seen each other for months....church picnic.....has cancer....is getting divorced..... Apparently, now is the perfect time to catch up.

4:38pm Seeing that visiting time at the old folks home is going to take a while, I turn my buggy around and take the long way.

4:39pm Artichokes are successfully placed in the buggy!

4:40pm I'm on my way to the frozen food aisle to get spinach. "Hey, Nurse!" Why do I ever go to the store in my scrubs? I turn around and see a guy from work. "When are you giving flu shots?" I try to finish the conversation politely and quickly.

4:45pm There is a buggy parked in front of the freezer case. The owner is just standing there transfixed by all the choices. I try to be patient. Ok, forget being patient, but I don't know how to say "excuse me" in spanish.

4:50pm Success! Spinach is in the buggy, and I practically skip as I head to the checkout. I may make it out of the store before nightfall!

4:51pm Stuck behind Big Momma and the Momettes again. "Momma, can I has dis?" I hope that the Momette has a bottle of deodorant in her hand. Sadly, it is some sort of cereal. "Put dat back! I dun tole you, you ain't getting nothin'. Don't you ax again!" "Waaaaaaaa, but....."

4:55pm I made it. I made it to the check out lines. And each one is 3 deep with someone with at least a cart full of groceries. I choose the line with the only checker who has any sense and knows how to bag groceries.

5:00pm I'm in line behind a new WIC mother who doesn't understand what she can and can't buy on WIC. The fact that she isn't old enough to have finished the eighth grade doesn't help. It's not like they have signs that say "WIC Approved" under appropriate items. And no, cigarettes are not WIC approved!

5:05pm The lady in line behind me sees that I'm a nurse and begins to tell me all about her blah, blah, blah. I smile politely and think to myself, seeing as how you have a fresh bandage over your fistula from your 5 hour dialysis treatment, you might want to put the 2 family-sized bags of potato chips, 3 packages of honey buns and bottle of regular Coke back on the shelf.

5:10pm MY TURN! And it only took 40 minutes to buy 2 items.

I need a drink, but that would probably take another 40 minutes.......

Off with their heads!

2007-10-07T19:05:00.000-04:00

While I don't know squat about art, I am particularly drawn to the impressionists. The picture I use on this blog is Monet's Impression, soleil levant, the painting for which the Impressionist movement was named.

I spent a week in London between my junior and senior year of high school. While I was there, I got to see my first Monets and Renoirs.

The colors, brush strokes and plays on light combined with the serenity and beauty of these masterpieces touched my soul. I will never forget seeing Monet's The Waterlily Pond in all its majesty.

So, why someone would want to damage one of these masterpieces is beyond my comprehension.

2007-10-06T14:42:00.000-04:00

NameThatDisease.com - Test your disease knowledge

Call the Whambulance

2007-10-03T17:27:00.001-04:00

I'm not having such a great week. It's only Wednesday, and I don't have much hope for the rest of the week.

U-J and I went to a Welcome Back from Iraq party for a friend's son Saturday night. There were puppies, apparently flea ridden puppies, everywhere. Sunday I woke up with flea bites ALL OVER. And they ITCH!

Monday I had to be at work at 5:30am to begin the 450 audiograms I have to get finished this month. An HR associate went back to the head of HR after her audiogram and reported that it took 13 minutes! So, the head of HR runs into the Health Center to tell me I'll hold up production if each tests takes 13 minutes!

Sigh.

First of all, annual audiograms are required by OSHA, I'm not just doing these for the fun of it.

Second of all, the actual hearing test takes 8 minutes. Plus, everyone has to fill out a hearing history form. And I'm required by OSHA to go over test results with each employee. This has been explained repeatedly to the head of HR.

Finally, tattling HR associate neglects to tell the head of HR that she hung around in the Health Center chatting as part of her 13 minutes of test time.

On Tuesday a department manager sends an associate to the Health Center for a post-accident drug test.

Of course the employee tests "non-negative" (positive) for not one, but 2, drugs.

When that happens, I have to go through a ton of "chain of custody" paperwork to have the specimen sent to a lab for further analysis. Meanwhile, I'm trying to do audiograms AND a pre-employment physical.

I call the manager to tell them the associate has a "non-negative" test result, and I'm sending her home until we have lab confirmation.

I get a call back from the manager. "Could antibiotics cause the test to be positive?"

"Anything is possible, but antibiotics causing a non-negative test result would be unusual. That is why the specimen will be sent to the lab for confirmation."

In rushes the manager with the associate and a prescription bottle for hydrocodone. Last time I checked, that wasn't an antibiotic.

"Can you clear the associate if you see the prescription bottle?"

"No, that is not in my scope of practice (and that wouldn't account for the positive meth reading, I think to myself.) The sample has to be sent to the lab for confirmation."

"But that means it will be 3 days before the associate can return to work."

"If you want the associate to remain at work, that is your decision, but I will not be responsible."

At this point, the manager tries to go over my head to the Safety Manager. Thankfully, I work with a very good and supportive safety manager.

Oh, BTW, with all this going on, I manage to be 9 audiograms ahead of schedule by the end of the day.

And then we come to Today.

I have to go to the monthly staff meeting for the occupational health company I work for, which is 75 miles from my house. We all know how I feel about other drivers.

After the meeting is over, I stop by a fast food restaurant to grab a sandwich to eat on the drive back to my work site.

There are 2 high school dropouts taking orders at the front counter, one taking orders at the drive-thru window and one cooking. Yes, that is 3 people taking orders and only one person in the kitchen. The manager finally lumbers out of his office to turn off the fry cooker which has been beeping very loudly for the last 5 minutes, sees what is going on, and goes back into his office.

I finally get my order and an explanation. Apparently it "takes a long time to make a ham sandwich."

Twenty-two minutes to be exact.

After work ,I head to the health food store to buy dog food. There are only 2 parking places in the front of the store. The person turning into the parking lot in front of me parks her car diagonally across both spaces. Instead of straightening her car when she sees me pull in the driveway behind her, she gets out of her car, looks directly at me, and goes in the store.

Bitch.

So, I have to park in the back. Normally that wouldn't bother me, but today I'm buying a 40 pound bag of dog food.

After lugging my bag of dog food to the car, I go to the grocery store. I do not like going to the grocery store, but I think that will be a separate entry.

Oh, the flea bites? They still itch!!

Dixie Laurel, RN, BSN, COHC.....

2007-10-01T20:05:00.000-04:00

I just received a letter in the mail and this is how my name was written: Dixie Laurel, RN, BSN, COHC. Have you ever noticed nurses LOVE to add as many letters as possible after their names? Why is that? Are we so insecure about being "just a nurse" that we feel the need to show the world that we are more?

My first poll

2007-09-29T00:03:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to put a poll on my blog. I was waiting until I found a worthy question. Here it is!

Video One:

Video Two:

Seems I may be autistic

2007-09-28T21:49:00.000-04:00

I'm not making fun of autism. I knew a couple who had 2 children with autism, and I can tell you it is tragic. However I do not believe 1 in 150 children has autism.

My mother taught special education for 27 years and had one autistic student. If autism were really that common, I would think she would have had more than one student with the condition.

The diagnosis of autism has gone the way of the diagnosis of ADD. I'm afraid it has become a fad and children are getting wrongly labeled. Also, those who purport that vaccines cause autism has done a great disservice to children. Childhood diseases like mumps are on the rise because of the hysteria and subsequent decision of parents to deny vaccines to their children.

Now there is an Autism Quotient test where adults can see if they have autistic traits. I scored a 37 which puts me in the "very high" designation.

Any idea why I scored so high? I don't like parties, find small talk difficult and annoying, like a routine, and am able to block out distractions so that I can concentrate on a task. Sigh.

Would it be so hard......

2007-09-27T22:00:00.001-04:00

.....to add a freaking comma?

Think I need to go to the ER.....

2007-09-26T21:51:00.000-04:00

.....and get some vicodin? Or maybe dilaudid? How about a work note?

Apparently between my new job (I've entered over 450 audiogram records manually into my audiogram software in the last 2 weeks) and my blog addiction, I have developed major eye strain from looking at computer screens. I've been having bad headaches, and my left eyelid has been twitching for 2 weeks and driving me NUTZ!

To the reader who lives where the Burmese chickens roam free

2007-09-25T22:14:00.000-04:00

I noticed on my Site Meter that someone in the town I grew up in has been visiting the past few nights. Hello fellow Hurricane and thanks for reading.

Free Speech

2007-09-24T22:02:00.000-04:00

I believe in free speech. If I didn't, I wouldn't spend my time writing this blog. However, I think this is less about free speech and more about trying too hard to be shocking. You want to take on George W.? Be a man make a good argument. Don't be infantile and resort to gutter language because you can't think of anything more erudite to say.

Pardon me while I rant a minute

2007-09-24T20:37:00.000-04:00

I spent a good portion of my day trying to help a patient with her medications. She just got out of the hospital after having 4 cardiac stents put in place. Her cardiologist put her on 4 name brand, very costly drugs. She is a contractor where I work and has no medical insurance. All told, her medicines cost a quarter of her gross monthly salary.

Have doctors never heard of the $4 prescription plan offered by several chain pharmacies? There are plenty of generic beta-blockers, calcium blockers and cholesterol medicines. She says she asked her doctor if there weren't some generic alternatives, and he told her no. Now, I realize I'm not a cardiologist, but surely some of these $4 drugs are just as effective as the pricey, brand-new, shiny drugs.

Of course, pretty drug reps in short tight skirts don't offer you glamorous trips to exotic locations for prescribing generics.

Two words.........

2007-09-23T21:50:00.000-04:00

AWE. SOME.

How my family found out how I met Unix-Jedi

2007-09-23T20:12:00.000-04:00

To say that my family is conservative and religious would be an understatement. On my mother's side of the family we have 3 church treasurers, 1 church pianist and 1 church building manager. My parents don't just go to church every time the doors open, they have a key! My mom kept telling me that if I'd just go to church I would meet a nice young man.

Needless to say, I wasn't comfortable telling my parents or family how I met U-J. The internet was just too radical! So, when the subject of how we met came up, I'd either change the subject or stretch the truth and say we met through a mutual friend.

Now, U-J's parents knew how we met. As a matter of fact, his mother promised to pay for his membership in eHarmony. I was never really concerned that our parents would discuss how we met.

But I should have been.

<in Sophia Petrillo's voice>
Picture it, wedding rehearsal dinner, 2006. Family and friends are seated in the back room of a very nice restaurant. Wine is flowing, good food is being consumed, toasts are being given. And then it happens. U-J's mother arises from her seat, lifts up a glass in one hand and an envelope in the other. The envelope contains a check to pay for U-J membership to eHarmony and her toast contains the story of how we met.

All I have to say is, she better leave me something good in her will to make up for the teasing I endured that night and the next day from my family.

The story of how Unix-Jedi and I met

2007-09-22T19:13:00.000-04:00

When I turned 30, I decided to totally turn my world upside down.

I was living in a rural west Georgia town with a population of about 700 people working at a botanical garden. I'd been working there for 7 years and was getting nowhere with my career despite taking on tons of additional responsibilities and working my butt off. Plus, upper management had changed 2 years prior and everyone was bailing ship. We lost 90% of the managerial staff in the horticulture department before it was over. (I was the 10th out of 13 people who left.) I began to look for other jobs in horticulture, but there wasn't much call for someone with a specialty in the native plants of Georgia. So, on a trip to visit my parents I came up with the idea to go to nursing school.

At the same time, I decided that too much time had passed without me dating. (There wasn't much to choose from in the town I lived in.) But the question was, how to meet someone. I was going back to college, but not too many guys go to nursing school, and chances were they would be far younger than me. I HATE going to bars because of all the smoke and noise and all the, well, people (yeah, I know, I was trying to meet people.) What about.......the internet?

I thought about it for a week or two. Finally, I decided to give it a shot. I did a little research and decided to try eHarmony. To my surprise, I met several nice guys. I dated some of them, but none for more than a couple of months. I also decided to try Match.com.

One night I was browsing on Match.com and came along a guy who sounded interesting and sent him a message. I got nothing back. (Now, I fully expect U-J to have some things to say about that.) A few weeks later, guess who I got matched up with on eHarmony? It was the same guy who hadn't responded to me on Match.com. And now he wanted to talk to me.

The mean girl came out in me, and I thought I'd get my revenge. So, the plan became to date him, make him really like me, and dump his ass.

I ended up marrying him 2 years later.